Archive for the 'Jokes and Such' Category
I know it is Tuesday, but yesterday was a holiday so here is Monday’s Joke:
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A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him
what he is drinking.
“Magic Beer,” he says. She thinks he’s a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, “That isn’t really Magic Beer, is it?”
“Yes, I’ll show you.” He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window. The lady can’t believe it:
“I bet you can’t do that again.”
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, “Give her one of what I’m having.” She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says,
“You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
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Hope you have a great one!
Happy New Year!
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad,
There was nada happenin’, now thats pretty bad.
The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine,
In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene.
With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer,
My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer.
When out in the yard there arose such a racket,
I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket.
I saw a large bro’ on a ‘56 Pan
Wearin’ black leathers, a cap, and boots (cool biker, man).
He hauled up the bars on that bikeful of sacks,
And that Pan hit the roof like it was running on tracks.
I couldn’t help gawking, the old guy had class.
But I had to go in — I was freezing my ass.
Down through the stovepipe he fell with a crash,
And out of the stove he came dragging his stash.
With a smile and some glee he passed out the loot,
A new jacket for her and some parts for my scoot.
He patted her fanny and shook my right hand,
Spun on his heel and up the stovepipe he ran.
From up on the roof came a great deal of thunder,
As that massive V-twin ripped the silence asunder.
With beard in the wind, he roared off in the night,
Shouting, “Have a cool Yule, and to all a good ride!”
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Take Care - Ride FREE
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Christmas is just a week away. Hopefully this will help get you in the spirit.
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “you may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carols”.
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Take Care - Ride FREE
Merry Christmas from ChopperStickers.com
Dave works hard at the plant & spends most of his evenings riding his scoot with the boys. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them & says “Hey Dave, how ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled & asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh No,” says Dave. “He works at the plant.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable & says, “you must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.
“No honey, she works at the plant, too.”
A stripper comes over to their table & throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey,” she says. “Want your usual table dance?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse & storms out of the club.
Dave follows & spots her getting into a cab. Before she slams the door, he jumps in beside her & she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head & says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Why is it that peta is more againt fur coats than leather jackets?
Because its easier to harass rich old ladies than motorcycle gangs!
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Hope you had a good weekend. Here is your Monday joke to get the week started right.
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A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims “I want to join your biker club.”
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her “You have a bike?” The little old lady says “Yea, that’s my Harley over there” and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her “Do you smoke?” The little old lady says “Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I’m shooting pool.”
The biker is impressed and asks “Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?”
The little old lady says “No, I’ve never been picked up by the fuzz, but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”
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Have a great one!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Helmet Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Dear Abby,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive, although I can hear a car setting off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she comes home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the rocker boxes on my engine seem to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks,
HarleyMan
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Have a great day!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Helmet Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”
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Hope you had a great weekend.
Take Care - Ride FREE!
Two guys from Daniels County are quietly sitting in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana fishing and sucking down beer when suddenly Mel says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife - she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”
Earl sips his beer and says, “You better think it over - women like that are hard to find.”
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
It is a political joke, and I try to stay away from those, but this one is pretty good.
Enjoy….
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when he noticed a huge commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a “Save the Whales” hat, and a “To Hell With Bush” T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear’s chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it’s carcass onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he told them. “I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”
As the Pope drove off smiling, one of the loggers asked his buddies: Who was that guy?”
“It was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with God and has access to all wisdom.”
“Well,” the first logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn’t know anything about bear hunting! By the way, how’s the bait holding up - do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?”
Have a great week!
Biker Helmet Stickers
