Archive for the 'Jokes and Such' Category
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
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Hope you had a great weekend.
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Ok so it is not really a joke, it’s a commercial for Big Dog Motorcycles. It should make you smile.
Thanks to The Beach Cruiser for finding this.
If you are down in Daytona for Bike Week I hope you are having a great time (becareful and watch out for the other guy).
Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, “Give me a double Scotch on the rocks.”
“What do you want to do, get me in trouble?” the barmaid asked.
“Maybe later,” the kid said. “Right now, I just want the Scotch.”
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Hope you had a great weekend!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Helmet Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Two bikers are pulled up at a stop sign. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting by.
He pulls the bike to the side of the road, gets off, stands by its side, takes off his helmet, and bows his head. The procession passes by the intersection and the biker puts on his helmet, gets back on the bike, and starts it up.
The other biker comes over and says, “That was touching. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
The first biker responds, “Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years.”
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Have a Great Week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
MURPHY’S LESSER KNOWN LAWS
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Have a great week!
Biker Helmet Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply Using the sink.
5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a Timer.
6. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools:
WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn’t move and should, Use the WD-40.
If it shouldn’t move And does, use the duct tape.
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Helmet Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
The Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the
wife looks over at him and asks the question.
WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”
WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
HUSBAND: “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.”
WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”
HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”
HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
WIFE: “Would you give her my jewelry?”
HUSBAND: “No, I’m sure she’d want her own.”
WIFE: “Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: “Yes, those are always good times.”
WIFE: “Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”
WIFE: — (silence) –
HUSBAND: ?”…shit.”
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Hope you had a good weekend.
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A ten-year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up behind him and asks, “Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?”
“No!”, said the boy, and he kept on walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says,
“Hey kid, I’ll give you $10 if you hop on the back.
“NO!” said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, “OK kid, I’ll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride.”
At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily,
“Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so you ride it!”
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE!
Sorry it’s late but we were at the Capitol in Richmond yesterday for Motorcycle Lobby Day. Will have a bit more on that later, for now here is Monday’s Joke a day late:
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A woman and her husband were riding their Harley Electra Glide on vacation, but had to interrupt their trip to go to the dentist.
“I want a tooth pulled and I don’t want to waste any time with any pain killers because we’re in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
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Take Care - Ride FREE!
Don’t try this at home :)
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The other day, I was blastin down I35 around 85-90mph. When I blew under this overpass. Well just my luck, there was a Texas State Trooper lurking on the other side, and you guessed it he pulled me over!
He asked me why I was in such a hurry.
I informed him that it was “work related.”
He asked me what kind of work I do.
I told him that I install “Rectum Stretchers”
“Rectum Strtchers??” He asked. “What is that?”
“Well” I said “I install this device into a persons rectom and enguage it and it stretches out the rectum. After doing this repeatedly using a larger stretcher each time, after awhile you wind up with a 6′ asshole.” “At present, I am late for an appointment.”
To this he replies, “A 6′ asshole? What would anyone do with a 6′ asshole?”
“Well” I said, “They usually put then in squad cars and hide them next to overpasses.”
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE!
Biker Helmet Stickers
