Archive for the 'Jokes and Such' Category
Hope everyone had a good weekend. Here is Monday’s joke to help get the week started right.
A Beer Before it Starts
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer, it’s gonna start any second.”
“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”
The husband sighed. “Oh shit, it’s started.
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Have a great week!
Well yesterday turned out to be a very busy day. So I never got around to posting Monday’s Joke. Hopefully I will have some time to breath today. Anyway here’s your joke, and it’s a good one.
Swallow the ball!
A man enters a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with
the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
“And what if I swallow it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.
–
Have a great rest of the week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Motorcycle Decals @ ChopperStickers.com
Hope you had a great weekend.
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A police officer pulled over two nuns riding on a motorcycle, and said to the rider, ‘Ma’am, you’re driving much too slowly, could you please drive faster?”
And the nun says, ‘Oh, I saw the sign with the “21″ and assumed the speed limit was 21 km/h”
The officer explains: ‘No ma’am, the speed limit is 80. The highway number is Interstate 21.”
Then the police officer look at the passenger and see the other nun shaking like a leaf. “Excuse me sister, but what’s wrong with your passenger?”
“Oh, that’s probably because we just got off Highway 205.”
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Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Hope you had a great weekend. The weather here in south eastern VA was awesome yesterday so me and Sandy spent a fair bit of time running the streets. Hope you were able to get out for a ride yourself.
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Two bikers are pulled up at a stop sign. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting by.
He pulls the bike to the side of the road, gets off, stands by its side, takes off his helmet, and bows his head. The procession passes by the intersection and the biker puts on his helmet, gets back on the bike, and starts it up.
The other biker comes over and says, “That was touching. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
The first biker responds, “Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years.”
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Hope you have a good week - now get to work!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
A son asked his mother the following question: “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”
The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.”
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
“Dad why are wedding dresses white?” The father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”
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Hope you had a great weekend. Now GET TO WORK!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Redneck Pickup Lines
1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I’d like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
8) Man - “Fat Penguin!” Woman - “WHAT?” Man - “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”
9) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer “bed-rock.”
10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue & pretty as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
and…. the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench…every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
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Have a Great Week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Hope you had a good Easter weekend. Now get back to work!
—-
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of some thing that would honor and glorify me”
The biker thought about it for some time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, an how I can make a woman truly happy!”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
—-
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, “Are you a real biker?” He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy’s Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I’ve been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women.” Then she got up and left.
The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, “Are you a real biker?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.”
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Have a GREAT week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Hope you had a great weekend. Now get back to work!
—
An old Biker walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Biker: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.”
Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man: “What sins?”
Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man: “I’m Jewish.”
Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?”
Man: “I’m 92 years old …. I’m telling everybody.”
—
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat at the bar and growls:”Bartender! Get me a drink!” The bartender obliges, and the biker scarfs down the drink. Slamming the glass down on the bar, he growls:
“Bartender! Get me another!” The bartender pours him another drink. After a few more rounds, the bartender attempts some conversation:
“Sir, he says, it seems that you’re visibly upset. What’s the problem?” The biker looks at him and snorts:
“I just went home and caught my ol’ lady screwing my best friend!”
“Oh man,” says the bartender, that’s rough… “What did you do?” The biker says:
“Well, I grabbed her by the hair, threw her out nekkid, threw her clothes out after her, and told her never EVER to come back.”
“Wow,” says the bartender in awe: “That’s tough man, what did you do to your friend?”
“Well,” says the biker, “I marched right back upstairs, I grabbed HIM by the scruff of the neck, and I said: BAD DOG.”
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Hope you had a great weekend! Did you check out our new stickers?
Take Care - Ride FREE
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