Archive for the 'Jokes and Such' Category
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Darling, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like i have United Utilities written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
Then the wife asks, “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close properly”
To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like i have Frigidaire written on my forehead? I don’t think so” Continue Reading »
Joke - Does it Look Like…
Just a little something funny to lighten up the week.
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A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’
6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’
8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!
10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’
And the best one of all..
13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’
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New Stickers this weekend so be sure to check back!
Take Care - Ride FREE!
A friend of mine sent me this, made me laugh. Have a great day!
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“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate step s for your gender.”
************ ********* ********* *
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
************ ********* ********* *
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers @ ChopperStickers.com
Why does a groom have such a big grin on his face during the ceremony?
He’s thinking “I’ll never have to pay for another blowjob”.
Why does the bride have such a big grin?
She’s thinking “I’ll never have to give another blowjob”.
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Have a GREAT week!
Sorry I missed the Friday Eye Candy last week. Actually I am sorry I have not been posting much. Things have been really busy, and when I get a break I am out on the road.
I have some pics from the Smoke Out last month that I am going to get posted to the gallery this week. I will post an entry about them when I get them up.
We also have a few great new stickers that we added to our inventory so be sure to check them out!
Now on to the joke:
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John, woke up after the annual Spring office party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
‘Louise,’ he moaned, ‘tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?’
‘Even worse,’ she said, her voice oozing scorn. ‘You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.’
‘He`s an asshole,’ John said. ‘Piss on him.’
‘You did,’ came the reply. ‘And he fired you.’
‘Well, screw him!’ said John.
‘I did. You`re back at work on Monday.’
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Have a great week!
For those things you just really don’t want to forget.
Have a great week!
Hope everyone had a great weekend. The weather out our way was awesome, but we do need some rain. Had to do a little work on the Heritage this weekend. Looks like the battery is shot and it won’t hold a charge. Hopefully I can get that replaced be for the 4th.
Now on to Monday’s Joke!
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These two trailer-trash women were talking to each other, and one asked “How is your husband doing?” and the other said “I think he is dead.”
So the first one asked “What do you mean. . . you think?”
The second replied “Well, the sex is the same but he hasn’t worked on the Harley in over a week!”
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Have a great week.
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Decals @ ChopperStickers.com
Back for the SmokeOut and we had a blast. Will post a bit more about it later.
Sorry about missing the Friday Eye Candy. Got busy trying to get on the road Friday morning and did not have time to post it. The Friday Eye Candy will be back this Friday.
Now on to the joke….
Redneck Romance
The Italian says, “When I’ve a finished a makin’a da love with’ ah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy.”
The Frenchman replies. “Zat is noting, when Ah’ve finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss allze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy.”
The redneck says, “That aint nothing. When I’ve finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin’ ceiling!
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers at ChopperStickers.com
Hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend! Now on to the joke.
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A woman goes to her doctor’s office,to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh. They won’t wash off, they won’t scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he’ll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later, the woman’s phone rings. Much to her relief, it’s the doctor. She immediately wants to know what is causing the spots.
The doctor says, “You’re perfectly healthy — there’s no problem. But I’m wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?”
The woman stammers, “Why, Yes, but how did you know?”
“Tell him his earrings aren’t real gold.
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Have a great week!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Stickers at ChopperStickers.com
Hey guys be on the look out for this.
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A warning for you and any of your friends who may be regular customers at Walmart.
Over the last month I became the victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get some shopping turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you! Here’s how the scam works.
Two seriously good looking 21 year old girls come over to your car as you are loading your stuff into the trunk.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windowlene, with their cleavage almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say No and instead ask you for a lift to another shopping centre.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on April 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, May 2nd, 4th, three times on the 5th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy more wallets.
Please pass this message on to all the men you know to warn them about this scam!
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Hope you had a great weekend!
Take Care - Ride FREE
Biker Decals @ ChopperStickers.com
Biker Helmet Stickers
